“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” ~ Jeremiah 29:11
With shiny new year resolutions and goals set, we find ourselves two weeks in to the new year and a new decade to boot! I get the biggest smile on my face as I think back over the past years and the resolutions and goals that I had set for myself.
It always went a little something like this:
“This year is going to be THE year I’ll (insert goal here)”
“I’m going to lose X pounds and get in shape for real this time”
“I’m really going to make writing a priority-no matter what”
While those are common goals that most of us aspire to, they’re also very vague and lacking a plan. Unfortunately, that was how I set myself up year after year, time after time.
Sigh…..
I would find myself making a little progress here and taking steps backwards there. Those goals never seemed to be long lasting fizzling out after about a week or three before life was back to the same routine with the same way of always doing things with very little to know change at all.
Mundane!
At that point I usually tell myself that I am blessed, life is good and its not a bad thing I cant seem to achieve those goals I was so eager to set forth before me. Life’s not a sprint – its a journey after all, right? I would usually “believe” that and then go find something sweet and high in carbs to console myself with. But deep down, my desire for more continues to knock at my heart; however, the inevitable result is that I continue settling for the same rituals and routines that I had grown accustomed to.
And so it was about a week ago I was faced with a challenge in this very area of wanting more.
“What’s holding me back? What’s really holding me back from more? And, what is my MORE?”
I had no good answer. At least not in that moment.
I mean, I take the steps necessary for more only to find myself making very little progress in those specific areas that I claim I want change. OHH if I could only see clearly and avoid the inevitable pitfalls that happen so often throughout life.
You know, like 20/20 vision- now wouldn’t that be a real treat! It would certainly make decision making simpler and most likely void of any mistakes. The problem is that 20/20 vision only exists in our past, but the future is before us. So we take that 20/20 vision, we learn from it and take bold steps forward into the future, trying to calculate risk and maximize our potential for what God has for us!
As I continued on with this conversation in my head, I felt this tug in my heart. I believed it to be God and I believed He had something to say to me.
“Why do you go so far only to step back? Do you not know I only have my best waiting for you on the other side?”
Ummmm…..ouch.
I so desperately wanted to say, “YES! I do know your best is waiting for me on the other side! Let me run through that door now without any hesitation or fear!!” But do I really? Do I really trust that God has my very best in those tough areas I struggle with to overcome and in the other areas I so desire to change?
As I stammered to find something to say I quickly remembered just how often I move closer and closer to opening that door only to stop short.
While my head is shaking full of disappointment in myself and in my response, I hear myself say aloud, “SO, SO many times you just STOP. Why do you do that to yourself?” I’ve even gotten close enough where I’m holding the door handle only to shrink back in fear of whats on the other side that I continue stepping back- step by step by step- not even looking behind me in case I run into any of the obstacles from my past.
Nope, those aren’t even on my radar at that point because my vision is so skewed. Funny, isnt it? I’m looking right at my future but I’m walking back into my past at the very same time simultaneously.
When I do that “shrinking back thing”…I hide. Too many times I have found myself holding hands with fear with a “never going to let you go” kind of grip and feeling so ashamed that i struggle with fear in the same areas over and over that I will hide. Not outwardly but inwardly. inwardly in my spirit I’ll hide and I avoid. When I get to the avoiding point, I won’t even go near that door. Not even a little bit.
The thought of holding on to the handle sends me over the edge even though I so desperately want whats behind it. I long to simply “jump” through the threshold in to new freedoms and a new season. But I don’t dare. After all I’ve walked up to that door a million times only to shrink back and step backwards and walk right back into my past holding tight to the same fear that paralyzes me from moving forward.
I can feel the freedom that’s on the other side of that door. It’s warm and there is an abundance of light. It’s wide open! There is no hindrance or restraint. It’s unrestricted and I can move about freely. It’s glorious!!
What lies behind that door for you? Freedom, finances, fitness…..authentic LIVING? What are you allowing FEAR to steal from you? What vision have you compromised on or even worse given up on? 2020 can be your year of seeing things from a new perspective, a higher vantage point!
“Rise above” and take a look at your life. What is it that you want that lies behind that door? For me, it is freedom, to no longer shrink in fear, hide in shadows or to self sabotage what I am called to do. Yet I grab hold of that handle with a convincing grip and a resolute determination to move forward, but I just can’t seem to turn the handle.
What would happen if I did turn that handle? What would happen if YOU turned that handle and simply stepped through that threshold? The only thing I can think of would be finding your true PURPOSE that you were uniquely designed for! You were created for such a time as this; now GO! Be honest with yourself and ask, what is holding me back? Is it the words of others? Is it being vulnerable, exposed, authentic, dare I say, people pleasing? The fact is, there is freedom on the other side and the calling is waiting right there. It is within reach, the next step you take is the one that will catapult you forward! Every great journey begins with the first step.
Human behavior is so funny isn’t it? How bad do we want change? I have an alarm set on my phone and I gave it a nickname, “How bad do you want it?” The first few weeks, not days, but weeks that alarm went off at 4:30 in the morning, I looked straight at it and said, “I don’t want it that bad!” and hit the snooze button MULTIPLE times!
Undefeated Faith 