The long-awaited day had finally arrived.  In a practical sense five weeks seemed like such a short time; however, in reality I had waited for over five decades for the envelope that was now before me.  Inside, the contents contained the story of how I came to be…..my DNA.  I had been adopted within two weeks of breathing my first here on this planet and even though I had a wonderful childhood, I also experienced an unknown, perhaps a hole in my story.  My  mere existence and how I had come to be was literally now at my fingertips.

Would I have the opportunity to meet my biological parents?  Do I have any siblings?  What is the origin of my heritage?  What is the story of the ancestors who had trod before me on this earth?  It was all about to be revealed to me via this envelope I was now holding.  I thought the contents inside would be the answer to the questions I have yearned to be answered since I can remember. Little did I know that this would be the beginning of my epic journey into the past, into the present and would set the course for my future.

My earliest recollections of when I was a kid was growing up the only child of an accountant and an iron worker.  My days were filled with the usual things that kids of the 70’s and 80’s experienced, horses, camping, swimming, and playing with friends were all a part of my upbringing. I was always willing to blend in with my surroundings and never liked to stand out in the crowd.

I don’t recall the day or the circumstance which led my parents to share the information with me that I was adopted.  All that I can remember is that I was very young and it was almost as if it was said in passing…..by the way you are adopted. The words at the time had almost no impact on me, in fact, I asked if I could go out to play after being told.  What I did not realize was that the phrase “you’re adopted” literally set my life on a trajectory that led me here today.  The hole, the emptiness that was placed or rather revealed to me in my heart was deep, it was profound and it had an everlasting effect on my life. The way I viewed people and how I “fit in” or rather “didn’t fit in” was magnified in that moment that I was told that I had been given for adoption. 

So there I was, with this letter that I had long-awaited for, but I was also fearful of the contents within. I sat down at my dining room table with my hands shaking and my heart racing.  I went to open it but just couldn’t.  I then got up and sat in a different chair. Then repeated that same action and sat in another chair but this time on the opposite end of the table.  Don’t you find it interesting that the mind can build things to such a crescendo that you can stand at the precipice of hope, joy, fear, pain and confusion simply by what you have concocted in your own psyche?

I opened the letter, pulled out my birth certificate, the words on the paper appeared stark and cold, without feeling.

Father……unknown………

Mother……Tamara Lee Alexander….

YES!!! FINALLY!  A name, a starting point, but the signature….so hurried, almost scribbled in a moment of haste that it was almost illegible.  Why was the signature not done in the most elegant of penmanship, with the utmost care?  It was as if Tamara could not sign the document fast enough in order to distance herself from the situation. As I looked over this virtually blank birth certificate, I rejoiced in that moment.  I began to sob and then laugh out loud.  I, for the first time in my life, felt like it might just be possible to heal that hole that I have felt and carried with me throughout my life.

It wasn’t for 50 years that I found out the true meaning of the ink that was put on that paper that cold day in January 1967.  But no matter the reason for what appears to be a rushed signature, I am elated to have a starting point to this story – my story.

“For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.”       

Psalm 139:13-14 NIV