I’ve been told several times by those closest to me that I need to “tell my story”. That just baffles me. You will usually find me just shaking my head every time one of them says it. I believe we all have a story to tell. I don’t see how mine is any different or any more interesting or could be any more impacting than anyone else’s. I go back-and-forth with blogging.  I post a little bit here and there and then I pull back; sometimes for as long as a year. I’ve asked myself often why I do this. If I’m being honest and transparent, I would say fear is the number one reason. Fear of being vulnerable. Fear of being judged. Fear of how rusty my grammar is LOL.  Just plain ‘ole fear. 

I write in my journal practically every day because it helps me process and not take things in my life so seriously – even if they are. Journaling is a really great tool and I especially love going back and reading things that I wrote.  Oftentimes I am shocked at the outcomes in areas I didn’t think there was any hope at all. I’m encouraged by goals that I jotted down and actually achieved.  Funny how we think we are standing still in life and “nothing ever seems to change” until we take a look back at how far we have actually gone.

As I read the words I’ve written in my journals;  I can feel the emotions coming through the pages whether it be sorrow, joy, love, confusion, happiness, or my unquenchable desire to have an understanding of “why” things happen. Yes, I am still a three year old at heart and am constantly asking, “WHY?”

As I go back and re-read my journals, it brings clarity and shows me that maybe I can make a difference In someone’s day if they were to read something I wrote. Maybe they’d know they’re not alone in this thing called life.  I am a work in progress for sure. We are all a work in progress until the day we take our final breath. I’m so relieved by that thought. The thought that I don’t have to “arrive” at some level of perfectionism and then basically coast the rest of my life. Whew! That takes a load of pressure off, doesn’t it?

I love learning. 

I love growing. 

I’m still learning to embrace change. 🤪 

Not a huge fan of change but I understand change is a necessary step in the process. 

So, with all that being said, ready or not, here I am!

Vulnerable, grabbing fear by the face with both hands, looking it square in the eye, all while still being a little bit scared of what might happen if I actually “do this”. 

It’s time… It’s time for me to live out loud with a Godly confidence. To no longer live internally with a spirit of timidity which oozes to the outside.  It’s time for me to give up the negative self talk that screams loud and clear every single day that I can’t. When in fact I actually can! I can do hard things because God gives me the strength to do those things that I think I can’t do. And you know what?   For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he. ( Proverbs 23:7)

God does not place things on our hearts which then become our desires that we so desperately want to fulfill, to then not have anything come of them. The only thing stopping us from fulfilling the desires that God places on our hearts is ourselves.

I have a desire to write. It’s a deep desire that I have tried to squelch for years. 

It’s time to stop squelching and it’s time to start writing… So ready or not here I am. 

 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7, NLT